9:30am was launchtime and I am very nervous as this mission I've been training for almost 2 years.The mission was quite simple, a 6 month journey to the red planet in cyrosleep followed by what will most likely be a rough landing on the surface. I hear a voice over the intercom "Final pre launch check now starting". My heart raced a few paces.Launch procedures are underway as I grope for the side pocket of my jacket, and rest my hand gently on its contents. Good. It's still there.We've risked so much already for this mission to succeed, it works be tragic if I let my guard down this late in the game. The flight coordinator looks up from his station and starts towards me.I reach for my emergency food cabinet and take out my emergency banana. I quickly eat it, ready for whatever may come."Lets get you fitted Sam, were almost ready to launch". I walked down the hall to the EVA room where my suit is waiting for me. The clunky thing always takes forever to put and it has an oily smell to it.I sat in the pilot seat and said "there are no other seats here, am I the only pilot". It beeped and the reply was sent back "Roger, there has been a change in mission, as noted in your TS contract, we have that authority.""We have that authority". Yes. They always do. They in fact have the authority to terminate me or anyone they please during this mission.I was just glad that I was still able to go. Nothing means more to me than this mission, not my family, not my friends, not my dog ... nothing. Two NASA employees strap me down and seem to tighten the straps so tight I can barely breathe.I sank into the pilot's bucket seat, which was made easy by the 180 pounds of space suit I wore. Mission control's voice crackled over my headset but it was inaudible over my thoughts.Here in this moment I feel comfortable, yet somehow afraid.I didn't realise the countdown had begun; there were only a few seconds until lift off.As the numbers in the console before me ticked down to nothing, my pocket began to vibrate.Then the shuttle began to vibrate, gently at first.I was terrified I would pass out from nerves.The vibrations got so powerful that I couldn't focus on anything.Turns out it was my vibrator. I forgot to turn off the damn thing.My face went bright red out of embarrassment.I couldn't manage to turn it off. It was starting to get far too deep inside me.The mission would be a failure!And so I called my mother.I tried to focus and by god I would not let years of training goto waste. Since im luckily the only one in the capsule I felt at ease.I felt like passing outThe incredible G forces on my body pushed the blood to the back of my head, it was too much!The blackness overtook me, and I slipped into unconsciousness. I was therefore unable to reach the controls of the capsule, and was unable to activate the second stage of lift off. The vessel plummeted back into the atmosphere and crashed in a fiery ball.I couldn't remember the next few events.When I regained consciousness, they told me I was lucky to be alive at all. Every nerve in my body screamed. I was wrapped in plaster. I didn't feel very lucky. I managed to choke out, "The mission...?"That's when I noticed the fresh implants buried just beneath the skin on my forearms. I touched one with a fingertip and reality twisted in on itself. Suddenly, the nurses and the bed were gone and I was sitting up in a jungle. I heard something huge roar.The landscape around me was filled with strange trees, fauna and flora I've never seen before.A massive Thing lunged at me from the shadows.It was my shaved genitals.I managed to grab it and toss it to the groundBut despite my tremendous efforts, I could not succeed. There I stood, with my shaved genitals glued to my hands.God said "Let there be light," so you could see that I was confused about the nature of my predicament- namely, with my own makers of light stuck like flies to flypaper, and it began to occur to me that this whole life was just a trap.My attention quickly returned to the large, hairy beast I'd just snatched mid-air. I realized that I was still very hungry.With my valiant throw I had knocked the beast unconscious and it was lying motionless on the ground. I could see green slime oozing out of its skull. The banana i had earlier in the day just didn't seem to fill me up so I started to drink the ooze.I regretted this immediately.The digested ooze then began to burn my insides, creating a sensation as if hot lava was forced upon my stomach lining. My skin then started glowing a vivid green.My feverish brain felt like it was being re-wired and 'tuned'. A loud ringing in my ears threw me off balance as i hit the dirt face first. Minutes felt like years, seconds like hours. Then suddenly ... all is quiet. My mind felt clear.Slowly, the memory of who I was faded.My mind spun. I opened my eyes and saw an abyss. The only thing i had was my banana as I hurtled through the recesses of space-time.With a bright flash and loud crash I came back to reality. Every sound and movement was amplified in my brain. I could feel the world around me and smell it's every mistery. I took the banana from my pocket and ate it down quickly. It was amazing.I threw up, realising that I had been hallucinating and I had not eaten a banana. I saw that I was sitting in a hospital bed, burns all over me. I croaked, "The... mission."A doctor walked over to me, and in my hoarse voice, I asked, "Doctor! What happened? Where...where am I?"The doctor said nothing; he simply pulled a syringe from his coat, and the world trickled down my eyeballs like paint upon a canvas.I woke up once again... I was no longer in the hospital, but there was something odd about this environment.DICKS
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